Quick, to the slutcave!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
