I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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