Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
