Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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