she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
handjob tips. give me some.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
