I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
