I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
