When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize