Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize