Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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