I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All the doctor said was why
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
