Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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