I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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