Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
