she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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