On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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