He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
