I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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