I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize