Umm I'm too high to move.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
