i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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