im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do vagina's smell?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
