She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
