New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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