Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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