you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
