Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
