we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
