I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
