I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
