do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My balls are so social today.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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