you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
