For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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