i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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