im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
