i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize