took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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