why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
