Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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