I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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