Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
