Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Are my feet made of real feet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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