I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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