Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
