I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
