You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
