I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
