so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
