my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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