I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
