She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
