I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
