K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
