Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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