Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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