$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
