how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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