So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
