Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
