Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
