you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
