he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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