I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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