she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
