Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
