I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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