He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize