i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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