so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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