he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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